Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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