I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
