the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
