so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
