We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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