1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
