So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
