Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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