I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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