I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
