I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
