he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
