Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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