You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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