You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
