A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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