Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
