laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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