I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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