right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
