I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
