garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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