haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
