I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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