Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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