Dual....:-)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
