I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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