I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
