he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
