Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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