Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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