1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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