U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
