she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
