Sacagawea was the original milf.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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