My liver just broke up with me...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
