I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
