please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
soo... how was my night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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