This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
