i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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