i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
