that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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