do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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