I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
