He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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