Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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