i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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