so that wasnt chicken after all
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think my mom watched the whole time
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
