At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
