i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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