It's Friday. Sex?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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